Dorothy understood.
"We follow procedure."
"Exactly."
The bylaws allowed ten homeowners to petition for a special meeting.
A majority could remove board members for documented cause.
We gathered signatures.
Then I told them something I had kept quiet.
"I'm Police Chief Marcus Kellerman."
The table went silent.
Dorothy stared at me.
"You're the police chief?"
"Yes."
She began laughing.
"Brenda has been filing police complaints against the police chief?"
"Apparently."
Bob shook his head.
"She really picked the wrong neighbor."
For the first time in months, I smiled.
But Brenda wasn't finished.
She called another emergency meeting.
And this time, she had a new weapon.
She claimed my fuel pump presented a federal terrorism risk.
The Terrorism Card
The meeting was packed.
Brenda stood beneath another PowerPoint presentation.
"This is no longer simply an HOA matter," she announced.
A photograph of my fuel system appeared.
"This installation may present federal security concerns."
Someone whispered.
Brenda clicked the remote.
"Potential terrorism risks."
I stared at her.
She had officially lost whatever connection she once had with reality.
She demanded a $10,000 "community safety deposit" from me and ordered the immediate removal of the fuel system.
Then she produced several documents.
"These federal reports confirm my concerns."
I raised my hand.
"May I see them?"
"No."
"Why?"
"They contain sensitive security information."
"I'm the homeowner you're asking to fine."
"The board has reviewed them."
I took out my phone.
"Then let's verify them."
I had already contacted an environmental official because Brenda had repeatedly invoked federal regulations.
The call went on speaker.
"Can you confirm whether properly permitted private residential fuel storage requires removal under these circumstances?"
"No," the official answered.
The room became silent.
"Is there any federal regulation requiring a $10,000 deposit?"
"No."
Brenda's face went pale.
"And terrorism concerns?"
"That description does not apply simply because a private fuel system exists."
Several residents began talking at once.
"Where did those documents come from?"
"Are they actually federal?"
"Why won't she show us?"
Brenda grabbed the papers.
"You people don't understand federal security protocols."
Dorothy stood.
"No. We understand that you haven't shown us proof."
Then she made a motion.