I didn't just send her a letter. I waited for the monthly HOA community meeting that Thursday at the local rec center.
Brenda sat at the front folding table, gavel in hand, looking remarkably smug. When she opened the floor for new business, I stood up. I walked to the front and handed a thick, spiral-bound dossier to the HOA secretary, and another to Brenda.
"I am officially contesting the citation against my vehicle, citing Section 4, Paragraph 8B," I announced to the room of thirty neighbors. "Furthermore, as a concerned resident dedicated to 'maintaining community standards,' I am formally filing three covenant violations against the property of the HOA President."
Brenda’s synthetic smile cracked. "Excuse me?"
"An unauthorized six-foot fence, illegal property encroachment on a city easement, and the planting of a banned, invasive flora species," I listed loudly. "Based on the HOA's standard fine structure, Miss Wilson currently owes the association $1,800 in retroactive fines, and has 48 hours to tear down her fence and rip out her driveway."
The room erupted. It turned out I wasn't the only one tired of Brenda's reign of terror. The Johnsons from down the street had been fined for the color of their curtains. The Millers were cited for a child's tricycle left on a porch.
"This is ridiculous!" Brenda shrieked, banging her gavel. "I am the President!"
"Actually," said Mr. Henderson, the quiet retired accountant who served as HOA Treasurer, flipping through my binder. "His documentation is flawless. Brenda, you're in severe violation. And according to the bylaws, an officer with outstanding violations cannot hold a board position."
It was a total engine failure for the Queen of Willowbrook.
By the end of the week, Brenda had resigned in disgrace to focus on "renovating her landscaping." The fines stuck. She spent her weekend watching contractors tear up her beautiful pavers and cut down her illegal fence, all while my 1967 Camaro SS sat gleaming in the driveway.
I fired up the engine, letting the 350 small-block rumble its deep, primal mechanical thunder. I smiled, took a sip of my coffee, and went back to work.