She can see you fine now, I said to the maple tree.
Behind me, in the doorway, Bear was taking off his vest β folding it over his arm, the way he had the morning he walked back into her life β before he went to make the phone calls.
The funeral home's little chapel was built for forty people, and the Steel Covenant came in colors, and that was the end of the arithmetic. They stood along the walls in their leathers with their helmets under their arms like hats in church. They overflowed into the hallway. Somebody from the home β a young guy with a clipboard and eyes like a man re-doing math in his head β kept finding chairs and then giving up and just finding wall.
Pritchard was there in a suit that didn't fit him anymore, shiny at the elbows, bought for some other decade's funeral. He sat beside Elaine and sweated and did not say one irritated word for two solid hours, which if you knew the man was a kind of scripture. Half the night-shift world turned up too β diner women from Murphy's in their Sunday clothes, two teachers from the high school I'd left mid-semester, standing careful at the back like people apologizing to a room. She'd have hated the fuss and graded it anyway. She'd have given it a B-plus and told the room to sit down.
The funeral director, a woman named Stoltz with her hair in a knot, had put one thing on the little table at the front, beside where the box would go: the photograph. Not a portrait β there were no portraits of my mother in a dress; there may never have been a camera pointed at her in one. It was the shop picture, the one out of Bear's wallet, enlarged: four people in front of HARRIS & MITCHELL PERFORMANCE, and her in the middle of it in grease-covered overalls, holding a carburetor like a bouquet. I'd said yes when Stoltz asked, the day before, with the arrangements form shaking in my hand. She looked down that chapel the whole service like she was supervising it.
Pops read. That was the program, because Mom had said no minister who'd have to learn her name, and Pops Vickers had known it for thirty years. He stood at the little lectern, eighty years old and straight as a fence post, and told the Evan-and-Red story to the room like a reading β the shop at twenty-three, the mechanic in grease-covered overalls who fixed a transmission neither founder could diagnose, the hat, the courthouse Tuesday, the kitchen ring. He didn't make it pretty. He made it true, which she'd have considered the same thing. When he got to the part about the toolbox β a pawn-shop box for a twelve-year-old boy, and what she'd said about patient hands β he had to stop and look at the ceiling for a while, and nobody in that chapel begrudged him the pause. Half the hallway was crying by then. Deke made a noise like a man swallowing a nail and did not bother hiding it.
There was no coffin to speak of β she'd chosen that too. The ashes were in a plain steel box, small and heavy as a toolbox, and I carried it myself, out of the chapel and down the steps, in both hands, at walking pace. Nobody offered to take it from me. They'd all been briefed by a dying woman, directly or at one remove, and a Steel Covenant briefing holds. Bear walked at my shoulder the way he had at her bedside, one step off, present as furniture.
Bear had organized the run the way he organizes everything. "Parade speed," he told the line before we rolled. "Nobody passes the box. Nobody showboats. She rides in front of all of us and behind none of us, same as she lived." Twenty motorcycles escorted the hearse through town, two by two, engines turned down to a rolling mutter, and the town β I will remember this on my deathbed β the town stopped. Storefront doors opened and people came out and stood. The diner crew from Murphy's, closed these two years, had materialized on their old corner like they'd been summoned. A patrolman at the intersection took his hat off as we passed and held the traffic with his other hand, and not one single car behind him honked.
We passed the gas station on the highway at parade speed, and Pritchard was standing out front under the canopy with the pumps dark and the OPEN sign off. He'd closed the station for the length of the run β a thing I learned later cost him a telephone call from his district manager, which he took standing up, still in that suit. He didn't wave. Pritchard is not a waving man. He stood in his own approximate version of attention, shoulders back, chin up, thirty-two years of irritation arranged into something that from him was a twenty-one-gun salute.
She hadn't wanted a grave β the ashes were for the ridge β but the club gave its salute at the cemetery gates anyway, twenty engines rising once together and falling, because some ceremonies aren't for the dead's instructions. They're for the living's hands, which need somewhere to put all of it down. I stood with the steel box against my ribs and felt that sound go through the handles of it like a struck bell.
Afterward, at the apartment, the rotation she'd ordered ran itself: club wives and girlfriends and two diner women running my kitchen like a shift, casseroles materializing, coffee that never emptied, grown men in colors washing my mother's dishes with their sleeves pushed up. One instruction of hers, executed to the letter. I ate standing up in my own kitchen and was fed like a grown man, per orders.